1. The slut.
This guy gets around. He’s typically conventionally attractive, and flirty with just about everyone, so he gets more than his share of ass. And in typical male-in-western-society style, he has no problem with telling you about it. This guy is an excellent friend to keep around, because he will give you a window into the mind of the depraved college male. He will test drive all his horrible pick-up lines on you. He can tell you why your love-interest-of-the-moment didn’t respond to your late-saturday-night “HEY YOU come to my houseeeeee” text (jk, there’s no rational explanation for why anyone would not respond to that text). It’s also fun to live vicariously through his escapades. I’m always cheering him on (while imploring him to be as ethical as possible).
Also worth noting: in my limited experience, it’s best not to sleep with your slutty friend. It damages the fabric of your already-weird-TMI-laden friendship. It’s also highly inadvisable to develop feelings for your slutty friend (but those things are harder to control).
2. The teddy bear.
You need to find a guy who gives great hugs. Girls give some good hugs, but there’s something really nice about a hug from someone who can pick you up. This guy not only can, but probably will pick you up on a semi-regular basis. He might not be emotionally engaged with your problems, but he does not like seeing sad people and will do what he can to make it stop.
He is also usually down to make fun of your ex with you. He’s just an all-around good guy.
3. The party guy.
This guy knows how to have a good time. You can text him on any night of the year, asking what he’s doing, and he will respond with something that sounds awesome. I firmly believe that everyone needs guy friends to keep their social lives moving when they kind of feel like sitting in bed all day.
When you were freshmen, he was the one collecting a few dollars from everybody so that you could send that one kid with the fake ID to buy a handle of the cheapest vodka possible. Now, he’s almost certainly in a frat, and has probably been social chair. Not that his life revolves around alcohol, because he can make lunch in the dining hall feel like the event of the year. He is simply more outgoing than anyone you have ever met.
Interestingly enough, this doesn’t make him shallow. His extraversion isn’t an act, and he’s genuinely willing to interact with just about anyone on a somewhat deeper level. It’s fantastic.
4. The secret soulmate.
You need a guy friend with whom you have the perfect platonic relationship, so much so that people might even assume you’re dating, even though you’re actually just excellent friends. So why aren’t you dating? Well, maybe one of you isn’t attracted to the other’s gender. Or maybe one of you is in a long-standing relationship (which isn’t threatened whatsoever by this friendship, by the way). Or maybe you’re just not each other’s type. The point is, you’re totally platonic and it’s perfect.
This is the best. You can pick his brain about guy things (in a different way than how you interrogate guy #1 about male texting habits—you and your secret soulmate talk about what makes male friendships and female friendships different). You can talk to each other about your families. You can vent to him about your girlfriends when they’re being crazy, and know that he actually understands why you have a need to occasionally bitch about people you love so much. He can provide an excellent objective opinion on just about anything, and seems to always have the right advice. Find this guy and you are in good shape for the next four years.
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